So many bloggers put tons of time and effort into getting more traffic – but perhaps that sounds like trying way too hard. Your ideas are so awesome, your personality so strong, that readers will just come to you.
I’m going to give you ten straightforward ways to make sure the whole world knows you’re not going to pander to your readers. (Oh, and if you would like to have a few more readers – try doing the opposite of everything on this list.)
1. Give Your Post the First Title You Come Up With
You’re in a hurry, right? So your post will do just fine with the first title that pops into your head. Sure, that title might not be descriptive or engaging – but hey, you’re not worried about enticing people to click through and read your post.
2. Write Whatever Comes Into Your Head
Instead of sifting through some great ideas or coming up with a plan, just write whatever comes into your head. What you had for breakfast, that cute thing your cat did, your favorite rant about the government … put it all in.
3. Write Long, Dense Paragraphs
Subheadings, lists and bold text are for the weak. If someone really wants your content, they’ll manage to get through those long blocks of grey text that you’ve written.
4. Use Formal Language
You were probably taught about writing in school: why not simply apply all those rules to blogging? Write in a dry, academic way, with plenty of long words, and you’ll be certain that your posts are worth an A (even though no-one’s reading).
5. Make Your Blog All About You
It’s your blog, so make it about you. Every example you give should be drawn from your own experience. Don’t bother phrasing talking to the reader as “you” – instead, use “I” as often as you can. [link to my post on you & I]
6. Don’t Edit or Proof-Read
No-one cares about good writing online, do they? Don’t bother re-reading what you’ve written: those typos won’t matter. And if your general point is a bit vague and unclear, perhaps that’s for the best…
7. Never Link to Old Posts
All your (three) readers have been with you from day one, so don’t link back to old posts: they’ll already have read them. New readers can just use that handy “Archives” page that’s definitely on your blog somewhere.
8. Don’t Promote Your Post
If you build it, they will come. Don’t bother tweeting your post or mentioning it on Facebook: you need that space to moan about the long line at the grocery store and that weird guy on the bus.
9. Post Erratically
Sometimes you’re filled with the desire to create – and sometimes not. Post whever the muse descends, even if that means twenty posts in a week followed by nothing for two months. Your real fans will stick with you … won’t they?
10. Plaster Your Blog With Ads
You don’t actually care about the readers: you’re into blogging for the money. And you’re pretty sure that the best way to monetize is to shove as many ads onto your site as possible, so that the actual content almost vanishes.
